June 4, 2014

Today was one of those days I really felt God guiding me to exactly what I needed to hear.  I went to bed last night reading the following poem on one of the diabetes forums... "How God Selects the Mother of a Diabetic Child," by Erma Bombeck...
Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures and a couple by habit. Did you ever wonder how mothers of children with diabetes are chosen?

Somehow I visualize God hovering over earth selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, he instructs his angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

"Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron Saint Matthew."

"Forrest, Marjorie, daughter, Patron Saint Cecilia."

"Rutledge, Carrie, twins. Patron Saint Gerard. He's used to profanity."

Finally, He passes a name to an angel and smiles, "Give her a child with diabetes."

The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy."

"Exactly", smiles God. "Could I give child with diabetes to a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel".

"But has she the patience?" asks the angel.

"I don't want her to have too much patience, or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, she'll handle it. I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I am going to give her has her own world. She has to make it live in her world and that's not going to be easy."

"But, Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."

God smiles. "No matter. I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness."

The angel gasps. "Selfishness? Is that a virtue?"

God nods. "If she cannot separate herself from the child occasionally, she will never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with less than perfect." "She does not realize it yet, but she is to be envied. I will permit her to see clearly the things I see .... ignorance, cruelty, prejudice ... and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as if she is here by my side."

"And what about her patron saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in mid air. God smiles. "A mirror will suffice."
I'm a bit emotional for some reason so the poem really touched me and made me cry.  I woke up thinking about it.  It is hard to be a mom to diabetic kids.  But I also know they are doing great and I am so grateful for the pump and insulin and Sam to help us with it.  We are blessed for sure.  But it is still hard.  It is hard when we have to stop playing to test or test before we eat or worry before working out together because it is low or try to figure out carbs when eating out.  I worry about them a lot, but I try to always focus on the good.  And sometimes that is even hard, because the truth is, it IS hard and I am sad for them sometimes.  I hate feeling like that because I know God is in control and we are truly blessed. 

This morning, the IF:EQUIP reading was Acts 8:1-8 where the new Christians are being persecuted, scattered, spreading the Gospel where they are relocated and there is great joy.  The video discussion talked about the flow of persecution > scattering > living/demonstrating the gospel in a new way > joy.  One of the comments to the lesson from Colleen really spoke to me:

I love what Jenni said – “Sometimes we need that persecution to bring out something different in us.” I always feel guilty or weak about feeling “persecuted” or like I’m struggling because there is always someone facing bigger struggles than I am. But perhaps by not acknowledging how much I’m struggling, I’m not letting God in to transform me and bring out that different thing. Maybe I’m letting false humility block me from letting God in to create true humility.

This really hit me.  We don't have to try to be strong or pretend like everything is okay or even always look at the bright side.  We just have to let God use it and transform us into who he wants, and created us, to be.  Our false humility or fake toughness can block us from letting God use us.  Wow!  That is something I needed to hear.

I moved from Acts to the Jesus Calling for today (June 4): 
Welcome challenging times as opportunities to trust Me. You have Me beside you and My Spirit within you, so no set of circumstances is too much for you to handle.When the path before you is dotted with difficulties, beware of measuring your strength against those challenges. That calculation is certain to riddle you with anxiety. Without Me, you wouldn’t make it past the first hurdle!
The way to walk through demanding days is to grip My hand tightly and stay in close communication with Me. Let your thoughts and spoken words be richly flavored with trust and thankfulness. Regardless of the day’s problems, I can keep you in perfect Peace as you stay close to Me.

Amazing how God works and speaks to us -- in multiple ways to make sure we get it.  I need to use challenging times to trust God and let Him use me and transform me and to admit I can't do it on my own and I need Him.  The only way to perfect peace.

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