Reflecting

My journal entry for today...

In my morning reading spot where I was writing in here just three short days ago, I pull out the tray I use to set on the ottoman for my coffee and see a few scraps of the tissue paper from Maddie's Mother's Day gift.  Sunday morning, in this same spot, I was praying for Maddie and how we would tell her we needed to test her and thought she might have type 1 diabetes like Sam.  I prayed she would come down here so I could talk to her alone before anyone else woke up.  She never gets up before Jake and never comes down early like he often does.  But on Sunday she did.  She was so excited to give me my Mother's Day gift.  She made a card with words for each letter of my name a vase she made at school wrapped in the tissue paper.  I pulled her on my lap and opened my gift.  Then I told her daddy wanted to check her blood sugar this morning.  I know panic rushed through her.  From Sam she knows what that means.  She started asking why so I told her how he just wanted to check since she had been very thirsty lately.  She kept asking if Sam or I thought she had diabetes.  I had to tell her we did and we just needed to  check so she could get the medicine she needs.  I loved on her lots and told her we would all figure it out together.  Together we walked upstairs, woke Sam up and tested.  It was 321 and we knew.  Same talked to her a while about diabetes -- about how he, Ben and Granny have it and are still doing great.  She didn't cry (can't say the same about me) -- still hasn't -- but she looked worried and scared.  Jake eventually woke up and joined us in our bed.  Sam even tested his blood so he could be part of it.  Sam called the ped and we were told to meet them at Wolfson's Children's Hospital ER.  We took our time getting ready and packing our things to go.  We weren't sure how long we would be there.  She was so brave and tough the entire time.  As much as I was trying not to be emotional or cry, I had several bad moments.  I hated it because I knew it would make her think I was worried or scared, which would scare her.  I know God has a good plan for Maddie and is in control.  Maddie and I even talked about it that Sunday morning on my lap before we went up to test.  I need to keep finding my comport and peace in God.  I kneed to make that intentional.  To not try to control and worry about things I can't control.  To not try to think far into the future for now.